she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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