he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
