And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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