Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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