maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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