is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
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