So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
