Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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