just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
