Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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