I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
