During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
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