mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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