hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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