i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
