I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
