so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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