Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize