I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Randomize
