Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
