Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
