This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
