I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
