what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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