Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Brb crying the tears of my youth
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize
