Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Randomize
