wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Randomize
