Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Randomize
