While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize