dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Randomize
