I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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