When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
