I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
