lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
