i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Randomize
