Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
