Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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