I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
