HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
So squirting runs in the family.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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