Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I'm just crazy horny about you
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
