I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
