did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
