She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
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