I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Its about making memories worth repressing
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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