Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
