some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
