Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
