carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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