you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize