shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
