Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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