never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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