haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
