So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
