I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
