she woke up with a sticky ear
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
