I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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