Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
The beer is more important than you right now.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
