Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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