I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
