I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
