i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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