we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
