I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I just googled if crying burns calories
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
