I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
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