I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
it's great music for shaving your balls
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
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