he told me I talked like a deaf person
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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