I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
