FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
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