Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
